Fido Goes To Dreamland
by The Pirates of Lake Erie
Summary: just a rough draft... ideas appreciated, tell us what u think.


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Fido Goes to Dreamland

FanFiction Office Building, Night

All was well at the FanFiction office. Well, almost. The Netmaster had had a few too many helpings of Mexican food. He/she could not sleep due to heartburn, and was currently drinking Extra Strength Mylanta with a curly straw. Fido was sound asleep, a harmless ball of fuzz. The only light on in the building was the gentle glow from The Netmaster's computer screen. 

After downing the bottle of Mylanta, the Netmaster fell asleep and the empty jug clattered to the floor. Shortly after the clatter, a barely audible low hum filled the room. It stirred Fido. He lifted a floppy ear, and then his head. He saw a man in dark clothes approaching, decided he was harmless, and went back to sleep. 

The next morning...

The Netmaster woke to a bright day. He/she got dressed and sat down at his/her computer. All was going well at FanFiction.net... until he spotted a double review! 

"Fido! You know you're not supposed to let people double-review! Fix this!" But Fido did not come.

"Fido! Come here!" There was no response. The Netmaster was worried.

"Fido! Here boy!" The Netmaster got up from his/her computer, a sinking feeling in his/her gut. He/she dashed from room to room, searching the building. There was no sign of Fido. The Netmaster slumped to his/her knees and slammed both fists against the ground. 

"Noooo! Fido! He's gone." Saddened, he got up and went to the phone, the FBI number already on his/her speed dial.

"Hello?" Agent Dana Scully picked up her phone.

"Agent Scully? I'm so glad its you! Fido's been kidnapped.... Again!" Scully rolled her eyes.

"You're tying up FBI phone lines to tell me this?"

"No! I think it's the government who did it." 

"What makes you think that?" Mulder walked in. Scully stuck a hand over the receiver. 

"Take a listen to this, Mulder." She hit speakerphone.

"I thought I saw an MP in my office last night... but then I thought I was dreaming. Now Fido's gone, and I know the truth!" Mulder took the phone.

"Really? Could you tell me? I'd like to know it."

"Agent Mulder? Oh thank heavens! Please help me find Fido!" Mulder looked at Scully. 

"I think we have just the person for the job. Don't worry, we'll get him back." Scully hung up. She looked at Mulder. He had a sly smile on his face.

"Are you thinking about who I think you're thinking about?"

"Who do you think I'm thinking about?" Scully handed him a piece of paper. 

"Here's her cell phone number. Ask nicely." Mulder grinned.

The British Museum, June 15, 2001, 12:51 am

In the dark silence of the British Museum, the single security guard slept soundly. Beside him his computer monitor glowed unassumingly, even though there was a slight blip on the north section of the roof. The camera that was supposed to be monitoring that particular section was dark, its last image was of a can of black paint. 

The sleeping guard also did not notice the reflection of another intruder in his monitor. There was a light footstep and then a grunt as the guard slumped lower in his chair. A piece of cloth fell to the floor, reeking of chloroform. Lara Croft looked coldly at the limp body of the night guard. Without making another sound, she stepped out of the office and disappeared into one of the museum's long hallways. 

__

A few minutes later...

Glass fell to the floor, its sound muffled by the carpeting. A dark figure landed on the floor in a crouch, straightened, and picked his hat up off the floor. He walked swiftly forward, and stopped cold when he saw a guard's office. He flattened himself to the wall and peered around the corner. To his surprise, the guard was asleep. He tiptoed into the office and produced a rag. He was about to shove it in the guard's open mouth when he noticed a familiar smell. Chloroform! _Someone's been in here,_ he thought. His toe caught on something and he reached down to pick it up. It was a slightly damp rag. He could smell it, even though he was holding it at arm's length. 

He dropped the rag and walked slowly out of the office. He didn't have time to search for another trespasser. He was here to get one thing and one thing only. The artifact was a small, golden dog statuette, 8,000 years old. It was worth millions, and the museum had stolen it. The owner wished for it back, and had asked him to retrieve it. He pulled a floorplan of the museum, and saw that the place he was headed was only a few hundred feet away. He covered the distance quickly and was about to reach the exhibit when, much to his surprise, the artifact was already gone. 

"What!?" There was an audible click.

"Looking for something?" A female voice asked as he felt the cold steel of a gun barrel against the back of his neck. 

"I was... but it seems to be missing."

"A pity. Seems you're losing your edge in your "old age," Dr. Indiana Jones."

"How do you know who I am?"

"Any archaeologist who has a decent background should know that he who drinks from the Holy Grail is immortal." She paused a second. "And you did drink from the Holy Grail, correct?" 

"Yes. Would you mind introducing yourself? Your name seems to have slipped my mind." Indy made sure the sarcasm in his voice was obvious. He felt the gun move from the back of his neck as the owner walked around. She stood in front of him, gun pointing at his face. There was just enough lighting from the exhibit in front of them that he could see her face, but not much else. 

"Lara... and that's all you need to know." She stepped back and began passing.

"How informative. Now, would you mind telling me why you needed that certain artifact?"

"If you must know, its a Phoenician idol from the fifth century B.C. and I need it to go with the coin I have."

"Actually, it's from the sixth century B.C." Indy replied dryly. 

"Whatever. Now would you mind leaving before the guard wakes up?"

"I'm not leaving without that statue," he warned.

"Then come get it," Lara challenged.

No sooner had she gotten the words out of her mouth, Lara heard a hard crack. She felt a burning sensation across her wrist. Her gun clanked to the floor. When she looked down, she saw a thin line of blood on her arm. She saw Indy standing there, whip in hand. To his dismay, she looked unimpressed. In fact, she walked right up to him, and punched him in the face. His head snapped back, but he recovered quickly enough to block her next blow. She saw him open and was about to strike again when a high-pitched ring echoed through the hall. Indy looked startled.

"One moment, please," Lara held up a finger and reached for her cell phone. 

"Hello?" She listened to the voice on the other end for a few seconds. "I'll be right there." She snapped her phone shut, then turned back to Indy.

"We'll have to finish this later." Then she dashed off.

"Hey! Get back here! I need that statue!" He thought about running after her, but changed his mind. He turned and left.

FBI Building, Washington, DC, The next morning

"Morning Mulder." Mulder didn't even bother looking up from his work as the door to his office clicked shut. 

"When is Lara coming?" Scully asked.

"Dunno. I think she was in the middle of something when I called. Whenever her flight arrives, I guess." There was a crisp knock on the door. 

"That must be her now. Come in," The door opened and in walked a tired-looking Lara Croft. 

"You said you had a job for me?"

Scully spoke. "Uh, yeah. Fido's been kidnapped. Again." Lara rolled her eyes.

"So you called me? I was on important business! And you called me to rescue some dog!" She was about to leave when Mulder said,

"We think he's at Area 51, and we need your help to get in." She turned.

"Last time I was there I got shot at, knocked out, and robbed. Give me one good reason to go back." Scully thought a second. 

"Uh... 'cause no one else will do it, and we need more than just us to break in because security is tight." 

"But aren't you guys FBI agents? Can't you just get passes or something?"

"Uhhh... I don't think the guys over there are too fond of us." Scully shrugged. Lara sighed. 

"Fine. I'll do it. As long as he doesn't hit on me." She gestured to Mulder. He smirked. 

"Deal." He held out his hand. Lara ignored it. 

"We leave as soon our backup arrives." Scully and Lara looked at him.

"Backup?" 

"A little insurance. In case she backs out." He nodded to Lara. She looked angry but said nothing. Scully looked merely curious.

__

The Next Day...

Lara Croft and Indiana Jones stared at each other in bitter contempt. 

"Why is _she _here?" Indy crossed his arms. Lara said nothing, but glared at Mulder for a second, then returned to staring daggers at Indy. Mulder looked a bit intimidated.

"Sorry. I had no idea you two knew each other."

"We don't, really," said Lara dryly. 

"Then could you at least try to get along?" Scully said, tired of hearing Indy whine. He was about to say something else when Scully announced they were landing. They got off the plane and found something to eat at the Las Vegas airport. 

"So where to next?" Indy was genuinely curious. 

"We go by car to Area 51."

Lara dropped the roll of duct tape to the floor and admired her work. "You cross that line and I bite off your head," She told the guy next to her. 

Indy shrugged. "So why, would the government want Fido? He's just a guard-dog. They're legal, right?" Indy asked.

"Where did you get this guy?" Scully was annoyed. Mulder shrugged.

'The government wants Fido because he was a subject in an experiment involving DNA modification after an abduction."

"You mean by aliens?"

"No, he means by Bigfoot," Lara replied sarcastically. "Yes, by aliens." Indy flinched. 

"Sor-ry. How was I supposed to know? Give me a break, I'm still stuck in the 30's!"

"Excuse me?" Scully sounded intrigued. Indy groaned.

"You want the short or long version?"

"Whichever is the most informative. We've got an hour to kill." With that, Lara leaned against the window and attempted to fall asleep. Indy began the long tale of how he had come by the Holy Grail, and drank out of it, which had made him immortal. Mulder looked fascinated. So fascinated, in fact, that when Indy finished, he nearly drove off the road. Scully grabbed the wheel and set the car straight with a jolt hard enough to throw Indy over the tape. His elbow collided with Lara and she woke with start. She shoved him back over the line while muttering an un-ladylike phrase into his ear. His eyebrows shot up.

"I told you to stay on the other side of that tape..." Still half-asleep, she couldn't think of a good threat.

"Listen, you can complain to the driver about his cornering methods, but don't take it out on me sweetheart." With that, he tipped his hat over his eyes and faked being asleep. He didn't fake long before he was doubled over on the floor. Lara shook her fingers out.

"Don't call me "sweetheart."" Her voice was dangerous. Mulder, purposely ignoring the situation announced cheerily that they were there.

"Come, now children. You can keep flirting when we get to the security fence." Mulder braced, expecting a hit, but all he got was a burning stare from the back seat. They got out of the car and began their infiltration.

Scully, Mulder, Lara, and Indy had been crawling through the air ventilation system at Area 51 for about an hour when they came to their destination. They dropped through a grate in the floor and found they were at the end of a long hallway. In front of them was a door with a complicated-looking keypad on it. Scully, Indy, Mulder and Lara turned to each other. Mulder pointed to the lock.

"Any ideas?"

"I think we should just hotwire it," Indy said. The other three looked at him. 

"No. That would trip security alarms and we'd be toast, " Lara pointed out. She examined the keypad. "Maybe a security code..." 

"How about we just blast it," Mulder suggested. 

"They'd hear a gunshot."

"Well, how are we 'sposed to get in?" Indy said. Mulder threw up his hands. 

"I dunno!" The three continued to argue. Scully stood for a few minutes, listening and then walked to the door. She turned the handle and to her surprise, it opened without a sound. 

"Excuse me," She said to the group, but I think we're blocking the hall. They turned to look at her, then the door.

"How'd you do that?" Mulder asked. She shrugged.

"It was unlocked." They hurried through the door, slightly embarrassed. 

Then Indy came up with the impending question:

"How are we going to find Fido?" 

"He's got a point," Scully said. She looked around. A large computer sat against one wall. What looked like a schematic was on the green monitor. 

"I could go through their records and see if there is a list of cell occupants." All looked at Lara. She walked over to the computer, and, in a matter of seconds, she was into the main system. She pulled up a long-looking list.

"Here," she jabbed a finger at the screen. "Block 3, Room 1, Floor 4." She shut out of the database and returned to the previous screen. They hurriedly walked down corridors, scanning room numbers as they went.

"I don't even think we're on the right floor," Indy said. 

"I hate to say it, but he's right." Lara said. She pointed a large directory on the wall which read "You are here." A large star showed that they were on Floor 19. 

Mulder suggested that they take an elevator, so they got on and went to floor four. As the elevator doors opened, the two guards that had stood chatting in the hall looked up. They immediately hit the alarms and called for backup. Sirens and red lights flooded the halls.

"This can't be good," Mulder announced.

__

Later...

A single dim bulb illuminated the interrogation room. The four captives sat, handcuffed to chairs, looking pale and sick from the injections of truth serum they'd been given. The interrogator was a tall, well-built man with no hair and a tattoo on his right arm. He looked as though he took great pleasure in beating the crap out of people. 

"Why are you here?" He demanded. Unable to tell lies, they all answered simultaneously,

"We have to save a dog."

"What dog?"

"There's a dog. Named Fido. You took him because he had alien connections... so the world wouldn't know the truth." Mulder gave his explanation in one breath. 

"Is that so?"

"Yes." The man hit an intercomm.

"Jerry, we've got some believers here."

"Well, you know what to do." There was a click as the intercomm shut off. The interrogator looked at them with an evil glow in his eyes. The last thing any of them saw was the lights going out, then Mulder's limp body being hurled across the room.

FanFiction Building

The Netmaster was growing more worried by the hour. Fido and his/her search team had been gone far too long. Where were they? Were they dead? Was Fido okay? He/she could think of nothing better to do than bury his/her face in the pillow and cry. 

"Mulder." Mulder heard a familiar voice calling him from very far away. He didn't want to wake up. Sleeping was far less painful than facing the world. He rolled over and tried to cover his head with a pillow, only to find there was none there. _Huh?_

"Mulder. Wake up."

"No," He managed to mumble. Scully shoved him over onto his back. His eyes opened briefly, then closed when the light hit them.

"Ohhh..." He tried to sit up.

"Don't move," Scully ordered. "But keep your eyes open and don't go to sleep. I can't tell how badly injured you are-it's too dark in here."

"What happened?" 

"Well, it started when you were thrown against a wall... and ended when the table was smashed over your head."

"Where are the others?" 

"In here somewhere... I can't see." Scully shrugged in the dark.

"Guys? Indy? Lara?" There was no response except for a muffled groan. In the dark, Lara sat up. She straightened her leg and it connected with something. The something rolled over with an exclamation of pain.

"Sorry," Lara muttered. Then she saw that it was Indy. "Oh. it's _you. _Wake up."

"Are you guys okay?" Scully's voice was not all that concerned. Lara hurt, but nothing felt broken. 

"Fine. Any ideas on how to get out?" Just as she said this, a guard walked by, drinking a Mountain Dew. He finished the bottle and tossed it in a nearby trash can. He peered in the door, said something into his earpiece. The guard hit a few buttons outside the door, which opened. Bright light spilled into the room, stunning all of its occupants. 

"Get up," the guard demanded. Three prisoners stood, Mulder supported by Scully and Lara beside her. The guard looked slightly puzzled, but shrugged and told them to follow him. 

As soon as he turned his back, Indiana Jones pounced on him from the shadows, tackling him to the ground. He landed a good punch on the guy's jaw, and he went limp. He hit him again for good measure, then stood.

"Let's get outta here." 

Two Hours Later...

After a long search, occasionally interrupted by rest periods, the four finally found Fido's cell. To their surprise, he was safe, though a little scared. Indy scooped him up. after a few friendly pats on the head, he was a happy puppy again. 

"Now how do we get out of here?" Scully asked.

"Take the UFO," Mulder replied immediately. 

3 Days Later, Fanfiction HQ

The Netmaster's eyes brimmed with tears when he/she saw Fido. His group of saviors stood around, looking tired and bruised, but pleased with themselves. 

"Thank you so very much," the Netmaster said. "I can never repay you." 

"No need," said Mulder. "I got to drive a UFO." Scully shot him a look.

"I'm sorry. My partner here was smashed over the head with a table. He's a tad out of it." She smiled sweetly. "Come on Mulder, let's go." She took his arm and they walked out the door. Indy turned to Lara.

"Now, where were we?" She thought a second. "Oh yeah. I was about to kill you." she raised a fist, but Indy held up his hands. 

"You win. I need a ride."

"So do I... hmm..." They both walked out after Scully and Mulder, arguing over who would get the front seat.


End file.
